dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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