Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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