I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
