I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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