I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
