Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
