So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
