i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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