i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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