Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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