apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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