peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I need to stop coming to work sober
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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