If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
