so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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