I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
