You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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