I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
