It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
