Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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