Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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