u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
