Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
