i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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