I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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