I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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