shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this will be a night to untag.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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