I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
