I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
