the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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