i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
