tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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