So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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