do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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