tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
