You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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