we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
