allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
