It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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