thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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