You're completely useless in the revolution.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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