whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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