but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sober January is a disaster.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
