I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
