Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
