His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
