If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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