can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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