Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize