I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
