this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
