Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
