The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
