i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
