Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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