put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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