Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
