This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
