Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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