We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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