i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
