im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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