My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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