This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
