I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
