well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She bit a glass in half.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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