According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
