Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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