i think my tv is drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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