How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
