All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
