: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
