My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
