She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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