Having a random hookup so left but love u
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
