your parents love me but you hate me
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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