dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
