I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
