At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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