She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think my moral compass just broke
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