sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize