Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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