Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We got so high we made milksteak
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
