i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
