history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
