Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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