I love black thongs
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
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and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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