So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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